Not The Done Thing ....SO WHAT! | On Tour With the Kid

My grandmother was born in 1936 in a small country town in western New South Wales. She was one of the smartest women I’ve ever known, which is even more impressive because she never got to go to high school. She trained as a nurse and married my grandfather when she was 18. They had two children soon after.

My pop was a wonderful man, but since he was born in 1925, he was much more traditional than the rest of the family. He was active in the church and the lodge. Back then, women were expected to stop working as soon as they got married - not just when they became pregnant, but as soon as they married. My pop kept old newspaper clippings of wedding announcements, and I was surprised to see so many that said things like, “Mrs so and so, until recently worked as a teacher, nurse, or clerk.” When I asked my grandmother what that meant, she told me it was just how things were. Some women who wanted to keep working would hide their marriage, but that was tough to do in a small country town.

Really outrageous women, like my grandmother, just said no. She had worked hard to get her job and wasn’t going to quit, no matter what people thought or how much social capital it cost her. This decision led to her and my pop separating and eventually divorcing in 1960 when their oldest, mum, was 5 years old. This was very unusual at the time, and for a while, my mother and uncle lived full-time with my pop, which was also uncommon back then.

They still had a good relationship, and even 25 years later, when Pop died, they were close friends. One of his last letters was to congratulate her on becoming the Matron of a nursing home in Cooma. She refused to give up everything she had worked for just because of an unwritten rule. Even though women couldn’t get credit or open a bank account without a man’s permission, they still found ways to be independent. When you think about the determination that took, it’s impressive.

Without diving too deeply into our family history, my mum and I all followed in those footsteps. I hope the kid does the same. None of us lived life in exactly the same way, but we always did things on our own terms. That’s what it’s always been about: making sure everyone has the same rights and can make their own choices. No one thought they were part of a movement - they were just living their lives.

I apologise in advance for mentioning MAFS again, but for someone who grew up in this family, imagine how nauseating it is to turn on the TV and see a 32-year-old woman with a good career come on the screen and say “Feminist” like it’s a dirty word. Then get upset that the husband she has been matched with doesn’t want her to work, doesn’t value her opinion and thinks her only value is the way she looks and the fact that she has a womb that should be used as an incubator.

Those feminists you talk down to are the reason you are not stuck with an idiot like him, and you have the choice to make your own mark on the world. Show a little bit of respect, please.