Okay, I will start with the really boring ones because there are just some things that a girl cannot live without.
No wardrobe should be without at least one good pair of black pants. Why? Because they are great on fat days and when everything else is in the wash. I have numerous pairs of black pants, my favourites are my very wide-leg palazzo pants. They go with most things, but best worn with high heels as they can make you feel a little dumpy especially after a barrel of KFC. Another favourite is my 7/8 capri pants, they are a little bit Audrey Hepburn and look fab with a heel or this seasons must have ballet flat. So the first rule is… own a fab black pant (pant is fashion-speak for pants).
My second go-to is the kaftan. All ladies must own a fabulous kaftan. Why? Because they are also excellent on fat days. A blingy kaftan is great over jeans or your capri pants, also fabulous when you’ve had your spray tan and are rocking a great pair of heels. A few words of advice when wearing said amazing kaftan, steer clear of the blue eye shadow, nobody wants to look like Endora and for those of you with dark shoulder length hair, please remember that Demis Roussos was never really a fashion icon. Just saying.
Jeans. We all need a good pair of jeans. Why? Because they come in so many different shapes and the flared leg is back - whichis splendid if you have a big bum (which apparently is also really fashionable right now.) You can also get quite a few wears out of your jeans before they have to be washed and they will go with your fabulous kaftan.
A blazer. Yes, I said it, a good blazer or at least a good jacket. Something that finishesat hip level and can be worn with your palazzo pant, capris, jeans and your tube skirt (that one comes next). Note: looks rubbish with the kaftan. A good blazer or jacket instantly dresses up any outfit and is especially goodfor that parent-teacher meeting or unexpected visit to the court-house.
The tube skirt. Note ladies, this one is very age dependent. If you are older than 29, it must cover your nickers and is best worn somewhere “just” above the knee. A heavier fabric is best because it keeps you sucked in and provides the best silhouette. There is a rumour that says a longer line pencil skirt is going to be all the rage. I don’t think anybody really cares what’s happening in Milan, it doesn’t appear to be happening in Maitland, yet!
White shirt. Yes boring, but very essential especially when worn with a clever scarf, fab hat and sunglasses. Great with black pants, jeans, under a blazer and with the tube/pencil skirt. You can’t really bugger this look up - just don’t eat things that contain tomato.
The cocktail dress. This is the tricky one. Black is always safe (and slimming). Team it with statement jewellery (costume of course) and a silly hat and your off to the races! Loose the hat, pull your hair up, add some dangly-spangly earrings, grab yourself a never ending glass of champagne and you're dressed for any spectacular soiree. If it goes with your blazer and your fabulous scarf, that is just a bonus.
Trackie-daks, because we can’t always be fabulous but because they are comfortable. Trackie-daks are never to be worn out of the house because nobody ever needs to know that we have days when we are not fabulous.
AAhhhggghh – the swimming costume. Actually, no, we don’t really need this item and we are trying to save money.
In addition to all of the above, you will need numerous shirts, top and blouses that won’t match anything else in your wardrobe and don’t actually fit poperly but you had to buy them because they were a bargain. You must have at least 3 maxi dresses that make you look like you’re in your third trimester. You will also need two pairs of baggy cotton trousers because they are more respectable that track daks and a lot more forgiving than shorts. Some linen, we all need clothing that looks like you’ve slept in it because that’s what linen does and oh, and did I mention that you will need lots of shoes and handbags.
Please ladies, rest assured that you will findone dress that you actually really like. It will cost $29.95 and you will wear it for most of summer because it’s really, really comfy. It may look like a moo-moo and that’s quite okay because when that temperature gauge hits 41 degrees, who cares.
So ladies, you must always continue to shop, because you just never know when you are going to find that absolue wardrobe must have. And remember “we have too many clothes, shoes and handbags” said no women ever. Until next month when we really must tackle that pesky “smart casual.”